Flicking the Budgie

(Picture courtesy of www.s3v3ranc3.com)

Warning: This post contains lots of euphemisms.

As children, we're reassured that everyone does it but its done privately and discretely. We're informed to teach our children that its not dirty and normal. Those who don't do it, do they think about it? Is masturbation still hiding in the closet? When you were growing up, did anyone discuss masturbation/self exploration with you? Did you find out yourself when you rode a bike, or reached that unattainable level of Dungeons and Dragons. :)

I have fairly open conversations with most of my closest friends, male and female, and despite the intimate nature of our conversations, not many people openly admit or talk about muffin buffin', or making the bald guy cry.

It seems that most were happy to confess they'd finally laid that gardener they'd been checking out, or geez those norks were happy, but no one is comfortable to express their views on self loving. Why?

Is it something that needs to remain private because its so terribly intimate? Isnt sharing your body with someone MORE intimate than buttering your own bagel? I realise that sexual partners mutually rub one out but perhaps one doesnt feel as vulnerable when someone is doing the same thing next to you? I have had men that squirm at first, and then after relaxing, completely enjoy when I watch.

I've had sexual partners specifically request it (thank god for Yorke Peninsula beach privacy) and it was almost as hot and taboo as other sexual tricks on the menu.

Wikipedia tells me that the one handed workout frequency declines after a male reaches 17 years of age. However, they add that most men launch the morning missle at least once a day well into their 20's and beyond. Women, as quoted by Wikipedia only fill the pink taco about 8-9 times a month despite equalling the male species for numbers at 17. The survey says that women are less likely to tiptoe through the Two Lips whilst in a sexually active relationship. Men however, (except in middle ages) are more likely to continue to give the pink mustang a spit shine during a relationship and that both sexes enjoying menage a moi is healthy in any relationship.

"The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it." Truman Capote.
(picture courtesy of matt.graphisphere.com)

The benefits of mastubation include a reduction in risk for men and prostate cancer, relief of depression, a sense of self-worth, decreases pregnancy risk and decreased risk of sexual transmitted diseases. For me personally, it helps me sleep at night. Can you masturbate too much? BBC Health state that compulsive masturbation could lead to sexual addiction and masturbating (for men) laying prone (face down) could lead to erectile dysfunction.

Religeon can play an important part in whether you should check the foxhole or call down for more mayo. In 1994 when the first black woman Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. Joycelyn Elders, mentioned as an aside that perhaps it ought to be mentioned in school curricula that masturbation was safe and healthy, she was forced to resign. Her case led to the coining of a new and humorous slang term for masturbation: Firing the surgeon general.

So just some points to think about......

If you have kids, how will you address it? If not, as a kid, Do you remember how your parents addressed it?

Do adults freely talk about it?

"yeh, had a wank last night" at the local pub happening?

Do girls say 'yeh, flicked the budgie last night, phew been awhile?"

Talk to me!